Today’s Numbers

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The number of cents per gallon that gasoline has dropped since this time last month.[/column]

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The number of cents per gallon that gasoline has dropped since this date last year.[/column]

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The number of Republicans who previously blamed Barack Obama for rising gas prices who sent Barack Obama a note of congratulations or thanks for now lowering them.[/column]

 

* This number is not official, but it’s a pretty safe bet.

Painter of Blight

To mark Thomas Kinkade’s passing, I posted the following tweet:

The accolades displayed if you do just that will bear out my discovery.  But I guess I hadn’t realized that, in amongst the sophomoric rhapsodizing, you may also find some potential new friends.

Continue reading…

Warning: Cheap Shots Ahead

I’m going to be totally vacuous here. (Like that’s news.)

O.K. I’m genuinely happy they captured this Khalid Shaikh Mohammed guy. And, you know, not many of us would look too great if we’d been on the run for a couple of years and were dragged out of bed at 4:00 in the morning.

Epilady Spokesmodel Khalid Shaikh MohammedBut please! This is one ugly-ass mo-fo, with a capital Ugh. Let’s face it — next to this guy, Yassir Arafat looks like an ‘Are You Hot?‘ finalist.

They say that there’s a certain irony in the way the Islamist terrorists espouse ultra-orthodox beliefs, yet succumb to the trappings of the West at virtually every opportunity. For example, the 9/11 hijackers were reputedly hanging out in Florida titty-bars before they went off to meet their 74 virgins each. (Damn. 74 virgins times 19 hijackers is 1406 virgins. With numbers like that, you know that at least a couple of those so-called virgins had to be lying.)

From the looks of this guy, you could also place a pretty safe bet that he’s had more than his fair share of Big Macs, buckets of KFC, Double-Doubles, Whoppers and super-sized fries.

However, there’s one trapping of the West that this guy clearly hasn’t discovered — laser hair removal. Eeeeeeuuuuw. Can you imagine touching this guy? Yecch. Forget the birkas, ladies. You better be grateful you’ve got at least one layer between you and this guy. And while you’re at it, you’d better put on a blindfold and some oven mitts if you gotta deal with this hairball.

There’s all this talk circulating that his interrogators are keeping him out of the U.S. so they can torture him and get him to spill what he knows. But here’s a suggestion. Serve a dual purpose. Wax this guy’s back. Torment and grooming all in one.

We’ve always heard that pretty is as pretty does. Clearly the converse is true, too.